The Selection Process

"The Selection Process" is a play produced for a play writing festival called "GI60"

Scene. 3 Horses are lined up and tacked up. They are ready for the next riding lesson

Horse 1. I am getting too old for this! (stamps hoof in annoyance) 4th time today and I have had to carry a load, my back aches and my sides are bruised from being constantly kicked! (pained expression)

Horse 2 (shows teeth and sways head side to side) What are you talking about! You always get the easy rides! You have spent the last 3 hours trundling around the yard with little kids on your back – (in a whining voice) Oh don’t go fast, I m scared I will fall

(Horse shivers) Last lesson I had that guy who thinks he is Frankie Dittori! He always has me in canter, my hooves are killing me! (picks up feet) I’m knackered!

Horse 3 (eyes have been closed and has front legs crossed and generally in a slumped position) What ! eh! Knackers yard , no not me, (stands up dead straight) look I’ m keen, I could have been a contender (goes into racing position) I used to race with the best, the people I have had on my back – I can still do it! (tries to stand even straighter but starts to sag until he has assumed his former slumped position and eyes closed)

Horse 1 ( Neighs ) Yeah yeah yeah give it a rest, the only time you ever saw the winning post was from a load of horses backsides! (pained expression) Ugh my girth is killing me, should not have had all those oats this morning, always gives me a build up of wind. (strains and a large raspberry that only a horse could produce is heard) Ah better out than in!

Horse 3 again suddenly awakes again and moves away followed by Horse 2 with looks of disgust

Horse 1 Hey! Look out here they come ( pause) oh no know who is going to get Big Bertha!